What do I imagine?
Stress Management needs a clear perception of the stress, so we can make better choices for ourselves and others. Imagination is usually not considered.
From the previous post on stress: All imagine they should be stronger and smarter:
For example, someone said to me, “I have five businesses and I am starting two more. I just have to manage my stress better.” Someone else said, “my parents are visiting this weekend and I am so stressed out, I can hardly deal with it.” And another said, “My best friend died this week of cancer, and my stress is too much”. The first person is very wealthy and yet, it is not enough. The second person was very hurt by her parents growing up, so the visit is triggering stress from the past. The third person is in big emotional pain because of the loss of a life long friend. So, all three of these people have stress, but the complexity is very different. This is why it is important to define what you are imagining “should happen”.
Ask yourself, “What are my expectations of myself and others?”, “How do I think this situation should be?” “How should I be?” When you answer these questions honestly, it is possible to expose the “magical thinking” and perfectionism which causes more problems.
Also, it is possible to expose what you really want, need and love. Therefore, by repeatedly looking into these questions, it is possible to separate false imaginary stories about the way “I should be” in contrast with the “way I am or the way I am becoming” . Also, this imaginary thinking creates stress between “the way I think life should be” and “how life really goes”.
Wanting things to be other than they are.
For example, the second person feels she shouldn’t be so anxious. She imagines, she should “just get over what happened in childhood”, and not let it bother her. But it hurts. She has more to sort out. She will have to set more limits with her parents to take care of herself, maybe talk with them about the past. She could get some help with what happened as a child. The third imagines she shouldn’t feel so depressed, that “weak people” get depressed. No, it is healthy and natural to fall apart when there is a big loss. That is how the mind and body heals from a loss. Grief is a part of healing. Grief can go on for a lifetime if it is not opened up and expressed.
Healthy imagination
Stress management needs imagination to perceive a new way. So, it requires new questions.
“What do I need right now?”
“What do I really love?”
“What are my dreams telling me?”
“What gives me meaning?”
When the second person realized through a dream, that she was running from her mother, she started talking to a friend about all the ways she runs from her mother, then she saw how she runs from certain women in her life. She was imagining herself still a little girl and afraid to stand up to her mother and be an adult with her.
Next, she imagined a new stance with her mom. She imagined a maturity that was balanced, and not running away or attacking. Maturity asks us to imagine holding the joy of a child inside, along with the rationality of an adult. They are dependent on each other, if they get out of balance, then back to the questions.
Next Post:
Stress Management
Taking a new action
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