Anger is a normal human emotion and something that we all experience from time to time. However, being on the receiving end of someone’s anger can be scary and confusing, so how do you cope with it?
Usually, an angry person is reacting this way because of other feelings, like stress or fear. Therefore, it can be easy to handle them and possibly even calm them down. We’ve found some simple strategies that you can try next time you’re dealing with an angry person so that you can keep yourself safe and steer their anger away from you.
What Does Anger Look Like?
Some of us cope constantly with an angry person in our lives and others may be random interactions with people at work or in the street. We usually have a pretty clear idea of an angry person then, and it’s usually someone with a raised voice or aggressive body language. However, there are many different ways that anger can present itself in someone:
- A rise in voice volume that is beyond the acceptable level;
- The aggressive tone of voice that is obviously covered in anger;
- Silence or ignoring someone purposely;
- Physical cues like shaking, clenched fist, furrowed browns, or frowning;
- Nit-picking or nagging, constantly taking jabs at someone;
- Sarcasm or jokes designed to cover up angry feelings.
10 Ways to Handle An Angry Person
Even though there are many different ways that anger might present, it’s usually pretty obvious when you’re dealing with an angry person. If you want to cool down the situation and learn how to handle these awkward encounters, here are some things you can try.
Work Out the Justification
We’ve all felt angry before and it’s an emotion that can pop up at any time because of a number of things. If someone is angry around you and you want to calm them down, first you should figure out whether or not this emotion is justified.
It’s completely normal to feel angry about something that’s deserving, so if this is the case it’s best to just let that person feel it and then move on themselves. However, if they are acting out their anger in a way that’s not acceptable, you should try the other approaches.
Don’t Attack Them
Sometimes when we’re on the receiving end of anger we get defensive. This might mean that we even start to become angry in retaliation and end up insulting the person or picking at their behavior in a condescending tone.
If you want to calm down an angry person, attacking them is never the right approach. Try to step back from the situation and take the high road rather than returning a slew of insults and poor behavior yourself.
Appear Calm
This strategy can be helpful but it’s also quite hard to do, especially if you’re feeling a whole range of emotions inside due to their outburst. However, if you can appear calm on the outside even if you may not be feeling it within, you’ll be well on your way to handling their anger.
Take some time aside if you need to and try some calm breathing techniques. Having a calm response to someone who is angry may help them see the contrast between their behavior and yours, and will help them to calm down.
Disengage If Necessary
While it might seem tempting to get involved in heated debates or arguments with an angry person, this approach won’t solve anything. Sometimes we can get drawn into the anger and possibly even start feeling it ourselves, so you have to disengage from the situation.
If somebody is feeling angry and showing it so obvious that it’s causing concern, it’s likely that there’s nothing you can do to help the situation. Simply remove yourself from it and give them space to calm down rather than trying to solve it or get further involved.
Stay Safe
Anger can be pretty scary to witness and seeing someone act in this way is often frightening. There may be times when anger is more than just a fleeting emotion and becomes a behavior that is dangerous.
If you’re ever around someone experiencing anger and you feel like you may be in harm’s way, remove yourself immediately from the situation. There are people who will take their anger to the next level and it’s not something you want to be part of.
Acknowledge Their Anger
Anger occurs due to a range of things, but sometimes a person simply doesn’t know how to deal with other emotions like fear or sadness, and so anger comes out. If you’re communicating with someone who is angry, take a moment to acknowledge their feelings and what may be causing them.
Phrases like “I can understand where you’re coming from” or even simpler still, “I hear you” are two ways you can acknowledge their anger. Sometimes this acknowledgment is enough to make them feel as though they’re justified and that they can further talk about the problem but in a calmer tone.
Don’t Take It Personally
It can be scary or hurtful when someone is directing their anger towards us but it’s important to note that angry behavior is often due to another problem. There can be behavioral traits, past traumas, or emotional problems that lead to anger, and you shouldn’t take their outrage personally.
Even if the anger seems personally directed at you or over something you’ve done, don’t take it on board. Often they are using this as an outlet for another problem and you just so happen to be in the firing line. More likely than not, they are feeling threatened by something or someone, and it’s never about the person they’re aiming it at.
Give an “Imaginary Cupcake”
This might sound a little silly but it’s a strategy that can work at calming down an angry person. In the absence of having a real cupcake, we can offer an imaginary one or a nice gesture of emotional kindness that can calm them down.
If you’re speaking to someone who is angry and not having luck with other approaches, try to do or say something nice. Find something that will be sweet, positive, and make them happy, even in the face of anger. This can include listening to their problems, telling them you understand, or praising them for something related to the situation.
Don’t Go Into the Past With Them
There are many times when someone will get angry at a situation that is actually just a reflection of the past. This could include past traumas or feelings that they’re still harboring over a particular situation.
If you sense that an angry person is looking to revisit the past or bring up these old negative emotions, avoid joining them on that journey. Try to focus on the present and what is occurring now and you may be able to calm them down somewhat.
Reward Positive Behavior
When we have someone in our lives who is constantly angry, it can be extra challenging. These people could always benefit from further counseling or help from a professional, but for you, you’ll need to look at rewarding their behavior during times they didn’t get angry.
If you’re in a situation with them that they handle positively instead of resorting to anger, let them know you’re proud of them. For those who are looking to improve their angry behavior, this positive reinforcement could lead to a big step forward.
When Anger Goes to Far
Anger is a fairly standard emotion but that doesn’t mean we have to put up with people being angry all the time. There is a point when anger steps over the line into an abusive territory and at that point, we need to disengage completely from that person.
Angry people are usually acting out from another place and may need further help to get to the root of their problems. However, lashing out at others and making them feel threatened or scared is never the right approach.
If you ever feel that someone’s anger is reaching the point of abuse or that they might start becoming physically aggressive, you need to remove yourself from the situation. There are only so many coping strategies that will work on angry people, and others simply won’t be able to be calmed down.
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