Christian marriage counseling is based on the teachings of Jesus. We will take a most fundamental Christian principle and apply that throughout our Christian marriage counseling. For example, Jesus said, “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets” Matthew 7:12. This law is asking us to look into where there are double standards in our marriages.
Christian marriage counseling is fair and equal. Fair and equal does not mean that each person in the marriage should make the same amount of money, or wash the same amount of dishes, but fair and equal in terms of power and control. Power and control usually appears through manipulation of the other person by withholding, attacking, or being both, passive and aggressive. The purpose of this behavior is to control the other persons’ behavior. No one enjoys this kind of relationship. It’s just no fun. Jesus didn’t say, do unto them before they do unto you.
Communication is the first place to practice treating another as you would like to be treated. Listening and genuinely being interested in your partner’s life is primary. Ask them questions about what they are involved in, even if it isn’t your favorite topic. This is a place of surrender. You put your own thoughts and feelings on hold and be there for your partner. This could be seen as, “ fake it, till you make it”, but I like, “you give time to what you love”. Then if there is something getting in the way of your love, this is the exact thing that needs to be looked into, communicated and work through with yourself and your partner. Respecting another’s point of view and feelings doesn’t mean you agree, or that you have the same feelings. But through the dialogue of fair and equal, each person softens and doesn’t feel alone or alienated.
Christian marriage counseling provides the safety of not slipping into power and control. The Christian counselor provides the safety in the way he or she holds and facilitates the dialogue. Marriage issues are very complicated and vulnerable. They may seem simple on the surface but they are tied to a long history in each of us. Everyone feels vulnerable when sharing certain emotional topics. Everyone needs love, affection, friendship, and independence. When the details of these needs are communicated in counseling, there is a recognition, and appreciation of the differences. The differences are then experienced as attributes of someone on your side, rather than an opposition.
