Dealing with anxiety attacks starts with the breath. Just to feel the out breath once, then twice, then three times in a row. Trusting the breath creates stability for insight. Then, the insight helps us learn how to live. As you trust this new stability, you can separate more and more from this anxiety. Momentary separation from anxiety and anxiety attacks gives you the strength and vision to relax yourself, and have the insight to take care of yourself and to not get consumed by overwhelming anxiety.
For example, hurrying is one of the most common expressions of anxiety. Yes, stuff needs to get done in a day, but at what cost? Notice how “hurrying” becomes a way of life, “hurrying” even if you actually “don’t have to hurry”. Gradually, the anxiety will build until an anxiety attack gets your attention. The breath can help disengage from this obsessiveness long enough to ask, “What the hell am I doing?”
If we look closely at our relationship with anxiety it is paradoxical, on one hand we hate it and it needs to go away and on the other hand we love it. After awhile in therapy, I hear my patients say, “I don’t know who I’d be without my anxiety, it keeps me on my toes so nothing terrible will happen, if I worry about everything, I have a better chance of protecting myself from the unknown”. This attitude is usually unconscious in the beginning, it is like a bad habit; “can’t live with it and can’t live without it”.
Redefining outer success redefines inner success
As in the previous post, the pressure to succeed in life can get crazy. At various points along the way our ideals of success need to be reevaluated. The battle with success versus failure within ourselves has usually been defined by others; parents, culture, religion, etc. We think it is our definition, but with closer evaluation, it’s not. The old goals of success do not work anymore.
There is a funny sort of discomfort that arises when we redefine success on our own terms because it is new territory. There can be a fear of failure to live up to others expectations or even our own if we choose to adopt a new attitude toward our lives. Many people in our culture live with a puritanical attitude, without even being aware of it. This produces big anxiety and stress. So that is why it is so important to name the puritanical ideals that are not working anymore and also, the ideals that do benefit ourselves and others.
Inner success with anxiety proceeds gradually. It is learning how to have a relationship with all the experiences within the body and mind, a successful relationship. Dealing with anxiety attacks or fear of them can be worked with directly. Gradually moving toward a relationship that understands hurt and gratitude, dark and light, little by little. Therefore, anxiety is understood as part of life, not something to bury. It let’s us know that it’s time to breath for awhile then ask ourselves, “What part of myself is afraid?” Then breath some more, and have some empathy for that part.
