For many of us, the truth is that we are our own worst critics. We only get to live in our own heads and, therefore, tend to overthink and over-analyze things that happen to us and go on within us. That makes it difficult for us to accept ourselves for who we are, especially with the barrage of self-improvement books, videos, and ads for products we encounter on a daily basis.
So, just how can you accept yourself? Learning how to be okay with yourself is something that takes time and is a fluid rather than concrete state-of-being.
Celebrate Your Accomplishments
You can start learning how to be okay with yourself by recognizing your strengths and celebrating your accomplishments, even before you accomplish them. Verbally expressing self-praise can really go a long way. The next time you find yourself navigating a difficult situation, give yourself a little affirmation. You can say things like “My persistence is getting me through this” or “I am a great problem-solver, so I know I will figure this out.” This reinforces the positives rather than the negatives and can help you develop a clear goal for how you want to accomplish or resolve something.
Start Forgiving Yourself
Guilt and shame often feel like they swallow you whole. Growing up, we are taught to forgive others, but ourselves? Not so much. However, forgiving yourself is a critical step in learning how to be okay with yourself. Shame can cause us to experience low self-esteem, become perfectionists, and even engage in self-destructive behaviors. It is something we tend to blow out-of-proportion, too, and we end up heaping unrealistic amounts of it upon ourselves.
You are not to blame for all of the bad things that have happened in your life. Realistically accepting your responsibilities can be difficult, but when you allow yourself to look more objectively at a situation from your past or present, you can begin to draw the line between responsibility and unrealistic guilt and shame (and figure out why you have felt those things).
Spend Time Strengthening Your Passions
What are some of your hobbies? Doing what you love most can lead to you finding out how to be okay with yourself. Pursue what you love, whether it is painting, taking beautiful photographs, playing guitar, or restoring classic automobiles. Too often, we get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life and forget to indulge our passions. We also tend to experience internal resistance to change.
If your passion leads to a career that isn’t “normal”, that’s okay! Many people find they’re better able to accept themselves when they stop pursuing traditional roles and start strengthening their passions into careers. If you have an entrepreneurial mindset, embrace it, and do not let the naysayers (including yourself) tell you that you cannot or should not pursue your passion.
Let Your Thoughts Become Tangible
Even if you are not a skilled writer, write. Even if you’re not a painter, paint. Before the emotional build-up becomes too much to handle, express yourself. Allowing your thoughts to become tangible means that, not only are you purging some negative things from your psyche, but you are opening yourself up to rationally processing those thoughts once they are recorded.
Getting into the habit of expressing yourself in a constructive way can lead to a strengthening of your sense of self and your core values. That way, when you need to express yourself aloud to others, you have the words already strung together in your mind. This leads to an overall better communication between yourself and others.
Be Okay With Others
Speaking of other people, learning how to be okay with yourself also involves learning how to be okay with other people. Think about all the people who have, in some way, done wrong by you. Whether it is an ex who cheated on you or a best friend who kept a major secret from you, the emotional aftermath of these things can cause a number of issues. You might end up struggling to trust others and feel good about yourself.
You might also look negatively upon others, even on those who have done nothing to cause you harm. However, when you establish a more secure perception of yourself, you should be simultaneously finding yourself more okay with others. Sure, there will be things people do that are unacceptable to you and go against your core values. Learning to accept others as they are, though, is empowering since it also allows you to be more accepting of yourself.
Aim to Accept Yourself
Of course, learning how to be okay with yourself really is all about self-acceptance. As young children, we are taught how to think, feel, and behave, and those are lessons we tend to reinforce throughout our lives. But are all of those constructs helpful and realistic?
Start showing yourself the same compassion you show others who you feel deserve it. Guess what? You deserve it, too! Keep in mind that, despite everything that has happened to you, you have done the best you could possibly do in those situations. You are not to blame for the way you look or how smart you are, just as others are not to blame for those aspects of themselves.
As for whatever transgressions you have committed in the past, accept that they happened, examine why they happened, and start forgiving yourself for them.
Conclusion
Learning how to be okay with yourself takes time. It might not be something you can or want to do alone. Having a strong support system available (including family, friends, and mental health professionals) can make a huge difference in terms of how you progress on your path to self-acceptance. Start finding the methods that work best for you and implement them on a regular basis. If it becomes too much to handle on your own, remember that there is no shame in reaching out and asking for help.
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