Relationship counseling
Relationship counseling can be with an individual, a couple, a family, or any combination of people in relationship. The purpose of relationship counseling is to make life easier and more meaningful. Even in solitude there is a relationship with yourself plus a relationship with the thoughts of those you have been with or will be with..
Relationship: from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary
Relationship, 2: the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship: as a : kinship b : a specific instance or type of kinship.Kinship: kin·ship /ˈkɪnˌʃɪp/ noun1 [noncount] : the state of being related to the people in your family2 : a feeling of being close or connected to other people [singular]
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Why is Relationship so Difficult?
Relationship is being “connected to another”, “a feeling of being close”. Usually a part of our self wants close relationships and another part of our self is anxious and confused about what to do with them. These two parts can be in conflict, such as, “I want a closer relationship but I’m afraid of feeling vulnerable.” Sometimes we need something from another person and don’t know how to ask for it. “What words do I use so I don’t harm or loose the relationship?” Sometimes, to ask for what you need, comes out as anger or avoidance, for fear of being rejected. Wanting a relationship is a part of nature, as soon as we are born we are in relationship to another. And soon after that we are in a relationship to even another, father, brother, sister and then out into the many relationships of the world.
Care and Communication of the Vulnerable
Everyone knows the happiness and the emotional pain associated with relationship. Everyone has experienced this over and over again. But as we grow older, we become more aware of the complexity of relationship. We begin to ask ourselves the question: “How can relationship be so wonderful and so confusing at the same time?” This is a very important question that needs to be answered. The answers are in the vulnerability. First, define the vulnerable part in yourself, such as, “I am afraid of being rejected”. Then, when you are ready and the time is right with your partner, tell them you want to talk about something difficult and you need them just to listen and not give advice. You are not blaming them for anything. You just want to discuss it. Let’s say you want to talk about some changes in your life together. And, “just talking about it is scary for you”. So, you are presenting your confusion as a conversation and it is not to demand, or blame, it is just a conversation. After you have been heard by the other, then you can ask for their point of view, so you can return the favor of listening without defensiveness. It is easier for each person to take their responsibility for the new changes when they are not blamed.
Usually, at the end of life, no one is saying to themselves, “I wish I had worked more,” “I wish I had kept the house cleaner,” or “I wish I had accumulated more stuff.” Instead, the mind centers around the relationships we have had in our life. End-of-life teaches us the huge significance relationships play, whether we admit it or not. It is the real Work.
