Everyone has emotional pain, some have less, some have more. Emotional pain is something we all share. What we do with it and what it does with us is the art and the work. Therefore, we are able to relate with emotional experiences to benefit our life. We are moving our life toward a conscious awareness of what the emotional pain is asking of us, as we ask it to go away.
In the previous post on the shadow I said, “Relaxing the resistance and watching the comings and goings of the mind and body gives us a better perspective of what we can and cannot control. It gives us a sense of balance, and proportion.” Here are some practices that can help navigate the emotional landscape of fear, anger, love, companionship, vulnerability, disappointment and the infinite nuances of the inner world.
First step: Acknowledge when we experience emotion in the body and the mind. It is happening so we might as well acknowledge it. Repression gives temporary relief, necessary sometimes, but not as a way of life. Notice where emotion appears in the body; such as, a headache, tight throat or tight shoulders, ache in the heart area, tight stomach, a gut ache, or tension in the groan or genitals. Just feel it with no judgement, like you are feeling it for the first time, just as pure sensation. Feel it and try not to think about it at this point. So much healing can happen without us thinking about it. Stay with it as long as you can then let it go.
Second step: Acknowledge the emotions with the mind by naming the feeling in one word; such as, fear, fatigue, excited, worried, confident, depressed, happy, guilty, overwhelmed, foggy, clear and so forth. You can do this throughout the day. It provides objectivity and stability for deeper reflection later. In this step there is no reflection or avoidance but pure observation, as you would observe the changes in nature.
Third step: Focus on the body and breath when obsession takes over: which is constant thinking about a problem, ruminating over and over about the same thing. Feeling the emotion or sensation does not mean obsessing about it. Truly feeling the emotional pain will slow the obsessive thinking. Obsessive thinking is the avoidance of feeling the experience thoroughly, which in turn puts us in our body, literally feeling the feet on the ground and the movement of the breath.
Another practice to help with obsession and rumination:
Breath in the unwanted emotion to accept it and then exhale it and let it go, repeat as long as necessary.
Fourth step: Reflection
This is where past hurt connects with the present situation, to reduce fear of the unknown future. This is where the art of suffering emotional pain gets a little more creative and educational. This is where you ask yourself questions to uncover what has been in the shadow. For example, “Why now am I feeling this?”, “Who triggered this negativity and who do they represent?”, “What don’t I want to feel or remember?”, “What is my part of this relationship problem?” To help expand the reflection, draw it, write about it or paint the experience. Talk to someone you trust about it. Go to nature. Try and stay grounded while you reflect. If obsession returns then balance with focus on body and breath.
There is more on this process in some of the other posts: Dreams, meditation, psychotherapy, relationships.
