How does lying to oneself or another work?
Usually, lying starts as a coping strategy. It can start at a young age to avoid a range of problems from avoiding abuse to taking out the garbage. In adolescence it is a way to get some privacy and break away from parental control. Later in life it is used socially as a way to avoid all kinds of direct interactions. Roughly, it is a way of giving us a sense of control even if it is a temporary or false sense of control.
Lying shows up in marriage, parenting, and relationships of all kinds. It can be so unconscious that we do not even know we are lying to ourselves. Lying to one’s self is the ego’s way of staying in control when our deepest self/soul needs and wants to go a different direction. This is the cause of unnecessary personal suffering until the truth is acknowledged. It is quite a life long practice.
To share those realizations with another takes it to the next level. This is how one can begin to step out of attitudes that are eroding the energy of life, some may call it spirit, or joie de vivre.
How many times have we told ourselves, “this is a good thing to do”, when our gut told us the opposite? How many times have we held on to an old belief when all facts show us it’s false? How many times have we done harm to our body or mind or a relationship because feeling and accepting the truth of a situation seemed more difficult, harder, more complicated and painful? No one wants to face the part of ourself that deceives or would be considered a liar. We may imagine the shame would be overwhelming.
One of the fastest ways to relieve emotional stress and relationship problems is to begin admitting how we are deceiving ourselves and/or others. It is exhausting and destructive to defend against the truth, whether it is emotional, physiological, or relational. For example, If I lie to myself that I am sad(emotionally), or that I am tired, sick(physiologically), or deeply care for someone(relationally), I could make decisions that cause more problems. I need to acknowledge the facts of the matter to begin helping myself.
Is Pathological Liar a diagnosis?
Lying is part of many psychological disorders, such as, compulsive lying and bipolar disorder, addiction, conduct disorders, and the personality disorders. It does not have an official diagnosis of it’s own. Therefore, the treatment for pathological liars is within the treatment of the specific diagnosis.
Liars Anonymous for habitual liars is not common. It would be more useful to see a psychotherapist to find the basic problem or diagnosis and work from there.
Pathological lying in children can be fairly common but again it is part of a way to cope in family, school, and social relationships. It is best to get some help because the lying is indicative of deeper emotional pain that needs to be addressed so the problem does not get bigger.
“There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn’t true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true.”
